lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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