I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
