seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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