The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
