I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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