I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
