its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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