I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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