Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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