He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
