hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
