I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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