I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
