I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
