Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
