Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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