If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
