dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
