I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
