All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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