is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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