Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm at about main and main street
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
