id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
