I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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