I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
