I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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