Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
