im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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