weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Randomize
