the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
