mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
