She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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