I got her a Nickelback box set.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
