you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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