I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
