: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
