You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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