I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm too high and old for this...
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