How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
