dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
