Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
