After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
