he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is glitter all over my balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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