He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
