Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
