Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
