is your mom at the bar?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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