I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
