I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
