just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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