Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to stop coming to work sober
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
