And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
