Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
