I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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