We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
