i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
