No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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