oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
3 2 1 whiskey
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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