Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
