I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
